Reasons You Want to Stay Quarantined

Centre County goes from Red to Yellow tomorrow (Friday).  And while most of us can’t wait to get outside, a handful of oddballs just aren’t feeling it.  Find out why with today’s list of the Top Reasons You Want to Stay Quarantined.


  • You don’t want to show your face and risk everyone finding out you’re the dude who took a bite of that delicious Chinese bat.
  • You just checked, and yep, the Internet still has porn!
  • Coworkers can’t tell you’re drunk on Zoom.
  • Your dog isn’t as judgmental as the general public of those who go weeks without showering.
  • Lowe’s isn’t selling Murder Hornet Spray yet.
  • Netflix refuses to stop recommending shows you might like and dammit, they’re always right!
  • You’re not ready to go from “working at home” to ACTUALLY working again.
  • Trying to fit back into your jeans could literally kill you.
  • It’s fun being kinda drunk all day.
  • The only antibodies you’ve built up are to Mountain Dew and Hot Pockets.
  • If you go outside, you’ll see many people who should be wearing a mask, even without a quarantine.
  • You still haven’t done anything on the to-do list you made prior to quarantine.
  • Your mask makes you look fat.
  • There are still six more Boone’s Farm flavors to try.
  • When it’s over, you’ll have to come up with excuses to turn down invites to your friends’ baby showers and improv shows.
  • You’d rather “Netflix and Chill” than “Go Outside and Die”.
  • Offices require pants.