Other Rule Changes Coming to the Oscars

 

  • The categories Best Supporting Actor and Best Costume Design will be combined, just to see what happens
  • Nobody is allowed to ever bring up Cats again
  • Redesigned Oscar statue has to be decidedly less phallic
  • People really have to just shut up about Citizen Kane never winning Best Picture
  • New award: Best Post-Credits Scene
  • The makers of The Shape of Water must give their Oscar back or explain what the hell that was all about
  • Major category nominees required to face each other in hand-to-hand combat
  • Three words: Celebrity seat fillers!
  • All future winners to be decided via Rock, Paper, Scissors
  • New category: Best Best Boy