Signs You Hired a Bad Lawyer

Today is International Be Kind to Lawyers Day.  However, some lawyers might not deserve your kindness.  Here are The Top Signs Your Lawyer Sucks.

  • He learned everything he knows about making convincing, fool-proof arguments from Rudy Giuliani.
  • He threatens Hispanic members of the jury with deportation.
  • Instead of “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” she says, “Hey idiots who couldn’t get out of jury duty.”
  • He thinks working “pro bono” means he has to take Viagra.
  • Her company logo features a picture of Lady Liberty . . . wearing a neck brace.
  • When the judge takes the bench, he says, “Hey, that’s the guy who sentenced ME!”
  • She’s in amazing shape . . . from chasing ambulances.
  • He’s got two clients:  You and the Tiger King.
  • The only closing argument he’s had are with bartenders over last call.
  • His Johnnie Cochran rhyme is, “If my pants don’t fit, you must acquit.”
  • The books behind him in his office are mostly about elves and wizards.
  • Not once has she asked if you or a loved one were injured in an accident.
  • He brings a flask to court in case the judge calls him up for a “side bar.”
  • She works for the law firm of Ka, Ching & Sucker.
  • He has a conscience.