Things You Didn’t Know About Passover

In honor of Passover beginning last night, we now give you this list of The Top Things You Didn’t Know About Passover.

  

  • Experts say Passover has been celebrated for 3,000 years.  And exactly zero years by Mel Gibson.
  • Passover celebrates an important Jewish event from thousands of years ago:  the birth of Bernie Sanders.
  • It’s not the one where you light the candles on that Wolverine claw-lookin’ thingy.
  • Passover ends in a week.  Like your marriage after quarantine.
  • It’s Hebrew for, “Another Holiday That’s Not as Fun as the Christian Version.”
  • Four of the six items on a Seder plate are vegan.  Hear more than you’d ever want to hear about that fact by asking the nearest vegan.
  • Many spend Passover praying.  Like Bengals fans during the NFL draft.
  • Passover is the most popular Jewish holiday…because you can down four glasses of wine during the retelling of the Passover story.
  • This year, Jews are asking coronavirus to pass over them.
  • The Last Supper is believed to have been a Seder meal.  And not a bottomless mimosa, avocado toast brunch as many millennials believe.
  • The foods traditionally eaten at a Seder include matzo, bitter herbs, and a sweet paste made with apples and cinnamon.  Or, this year, kidney beans and chocolate hummus, because those were the only things left at the supermarket. 
  • Passover is also sometimes called “The Festival of Unleavened Bread,” as well as “Breadchella” and “Bread-a-palooza.”
  • Adam Sandler has yet to write an annoying song about Passover.  But give him time.