Things You Shouldn’t Say to a Cop

If you encounter a police officer, you should be polite and respectful . . . and probably avoid uttering anything like you’ll hear on this list of The Top Things You Shouldn’t Say to a Cop.


  • Of course I know why you pulled me over.  You’re a former high school jock trying desperately to hold onto childish feelings of power and authority indefinitely.
  • If by exceeding the “speed” limit you meant “meth” . . . yes I have.
  • Where are the rest of the Village People?
  • Hey, that looks just like the badge I got with my Cracker Jacks!
  • Freddie Mercury called.  He wants his mustache back.
  • Will you tell your dog to stop barking?  It’s ruining my buzz.
  • So can I get a body cavity search without being arrested, please?
  • Oh that was a pedestrian?  Sorry, thought it was a speed bump.
  • Are you a Starsky, or are you more of a Hutch?
  • I always wanted to be a cop.  But, I decided to finish high school.
  • A gun?  A nightstick?  Looks like SOMEONE’S overcompensating.
  • I’ll trade you a dozen crullers for whatever drugs you’ve confiscated.
  • Since I pay your salary, how about this:  You’re fired!
  • This isn’t one of those stripper-grams, is it?
  • Whoa!  I thought you guys had to be in shape?!?