Top New NFL Rule Proposals

NFL owners are meeting this week to discuss new rule proposals for next season.  Here are The Top New NFL Rule Proposals.


  • Tripping is okay . . . if it’s on LSD.
  • Players caught chop-blocking have to spend an hour listening to Joe Buck.
  • Robert Kraft’s masseuse can be flagged for illegal use of hands.
  • Touchdown celebrations must include dancers from the local Spearmint Rhino.
  • Gatorade containers must be 50% vodka.
  • Due to coronavirus, the Viking mascot must now wear a mask.
  • In lieu of a signing bonus, you can punch a Manning brother. 
  • To extend Tom Brady’s career, quarterbacks will be allowed to use walkers.
  • Kickers can be hit after the play, and also in the parking lot after the game.
  • Cincinnati Bengals players will be allowed to wave white surrender flags.
  • Fans can sue Jameis Winston for injuries caused by his errant throws.
  • Make Patriots players submit to tests to see if they test positive for cheating.
  • Post-game interviews must be in mime.
  • Andy Reid’s mustache can join huddles.