Rejected Valentine’s Day Cards

It’s Valentine’s Day and perhaps you got a card.  But we’re betting that it isn’t similar to anything on this list of The Top Rejected Valentine’s Day Cards.


  • To me you’ll always be desirous . . . even if you catch the coronavirus.
  • Of all the people in the world, I love you the mostest . . . except for that hot Hooters hostess.
  • Roses are red, violets are blue . . . you look like Steve Buscemi, so I’ll avoid you.
  • When I saw you, I swiped right . . . and now, I regret that every night.
  • We’ve shared times of love and hope and glory . . . but now we’re like the couple from “Marriage Story”.
  • You take my breath away . . . but not as much as autoerotic asphyxiation.
  • It’s not easy to say.  But I’ll give it a try:  I married you for money.  And pray that you die.
  • Your body is perfect.  I think of it each hour . . . which is why I hid a camera, to watch you shower.
  • Happy Valentine’s Day to my handsome guy . . . but it’s your brother I’d like to try
  • You are the person that I want to marry . . . and then quit my family, like Meghan and Harry.
  • Roses are red, violets are blue.  And thanks to you, my junk is green.
  • What would I do without you?  Oh, have fun.
  • Be mine.  Now, DAMMITT!