Things That Annoy Jeff Bezos

The brother of Jeff Bezos’s girlfriend is suing Bezos for defamation.  Naturally, that goes near the top of this list of The Top Things That Annoy Jeff Bezos.


  • Cheapskates who refuse to spring for Prime, but still think they can hit him up for free shipping.
  • When his girlfriend slips up and says, “Let’s Netflix and chill.”
  • The pesky notion that multibillion-dollar corporations should pay taxes.  Also, when the caviar is too cold. 
  • Lazy warehouse workers who can’t go 16 hours without a bathroom break.
  • Seeing a brick-and-mortar store that he hasn’t forced out of business.
  • Seriously underperforming hair follicles.
  • Money managers who pester him about trivial stock losses, like a few billion dollars. 
  • Wedding vows, evidently.
  • Accidentally triggering earthquakes by dropping his wallet.
  • The fact that even though he’s a Prime member, he still can’t go on Amazon and order a soul.
  • Owning the “Washington Post” makes it even more frustrating when he has to explain to someone under 35 what a newspaper is.
  • Poor people who have more hair than him.
  • Mom-and-pop bookstore owners shooting him the stink eye.
  • You’re about to buy the perfect island, only to find out Warren Buffett snatched it up first.
  • When pics of his junk are leaked with bad lighting and an unflattering angle.
  • Regular people who DARE make eye contact.
  • When Alexa refuses to call him “Daddy.”