Reasons You Won’t Be Watching the Impeachment Trial

The Senate impeachment trial of Donald Trump is under way and could last up to two weeks.  But you really couldn’t care less.  Here are The Top Reasons You Won’t Be Watching the Impeachment Trial.


  • Duh.  If it’s such an important trial, where’s Judge Judy?!?
  • NFL refs are the only unpopular old white guys you want to see on your TV.
  • America has bigger priorities:  like praying for Brad and Jen to reunite.
  • C’mon.  How can ANYONE focus when the wounds from Megxit are still this raw?
  • It’s too suspenseful trying to predict when Chuck Schumer’s glasses will fall off his nose.
  • Every time you hear Lindsey Graham speak, you get flashbacks of having to watch “Gone with the Wind” in high school.
  • You’ll be too busy shotgunning beers with Brett Kavanaugh.
  • You’re convinced that Mitch McConnell’s chin waddle waving back and forth has the power to hypnotize you.
  • All the old white guys yelling at each other reminds you of “Game of Thrones”. . . but without the fun of dragons and incest.
  • You figure you can get a fully accurate, completely unbiased summary of what happens by reading President Trump’s tweets.
  • If you wanted to see a fight where the outcome was already fixed, you’d just watch wrestling.