· Times Square, New York City
It will always confuse real New Yorkers why one million people flock to this intersection where no one in their right mind would hang out at on a regular day – much less a cold, snowy (or rainy) day. For hours. Just to see a big ball drop, glimpse a celeb on stage or photobomb one of the inane hucksters hired to talk nonsense ‘til said ball drops. A celebratory tipple is not allowed and you’d best not drink anything at all, because in order to keep your spot near the stage you can’t go to the bathroom.
· Hollywood Hills/Los Angeles
Despite the parking issues and oodles of blind turns, residents always feel the need to throw large soirees this time of year. A more pressing issue: Despite Uber and Lyft, a lot of people still like to drive themselves on New Year’s Eve or test-study Darwinism by taking an electric scooter to a party that will have a lot of booze. Driving – or being driven – home any time after midnight is just plain terrifying. Actually, this goes for all of Los Angeles. If you live in the city of Angels, just stay home and VR the evening.
· Disney World (or Land)
For some elusive reason, actual full-grown adults pay hundreds (even thousands) of dollars to hang out with Cinderella in her pre-fab castle on New Year’s Eve. While the house of Mouse has recently relaxed their liquor rule, it’s expensive
· Any high-end resort in Hawaii
Each year, celebs and business titans fly their families to the islands and book suites in places like the Four Seasons Resort Maui at Wailea or The Ritz-Carlton Kapalua for 10 days at a time. Which is great – for them. If you want to get a reservation for any activity, you’ll have to get up early. Real early. The dirty secret is, just before dawn, these people send their nannies or domestic servants who have the misfortune to travel with them out to the pool to grab all the prime chairs and block out snorkeling trips.
· Las Vegas
The noise. The smoke-filled casinos. The insanely expensive hotel rooms that just last week were half the price. The hookers and the roofies. The loss of your Christmas bonus at the roulette table. Britney Spears. We rest our case.