Top Excuses For Not Quitting Smoking

In honor of today being the Great American Smokeout, let’s check out this list of The Top Excuses for Not Quitting Smoking.

  • You’ve heard that the next fashion craze will be designer oxygen tanks.
  • It calms you down . . . otherwise you’d go all Myles Garrett on everyone.
  • You consider anything condemned by the Surgeon General as fake news.
  • You’d rather die a slow, painful death due to lung cancer or emphysema than be seen vaping.
  • The cat hanging from a tree on that poster in your office doesn’t believe in quitters.
  • You get twice as many breaks as your pink-lunged coworkers.
  • You’re married, so dying young would be a relief.
  • Lindsay Lohan does it and look how she turned out. Okay, bad example.
  • You’re French and . . . no, that’s it. You’re French.
  • Your kids want you to quit. And you hate your kids.
  • Keith Richards always has a cigarette dangling out of his mouth, and he’s indestructible.
  • Lungs are overrated.