Top Tips for Finding Happiness

Since this is Pursuit of Happiness Week, it’s a good time to check out this list of The Top Tips for Finding Happiness.

  • Do something you used to love as a kid.  Other than booger-eating.  Or maybe not.  Everyone’s different.

  • Write uplifting notes to yourself and post them all over your house.  Okay, trailer.  Okay, shelter.  Okay, tent.

  • Spend time outside . . . burying the bodies of all your friends whose lives look so damn perfect on Facebook.

  • Be more assertive at work.  Throw a punch every now and then if it helps.

  • Be yourself.  Minus the “gropey” part.

  • Stop staring at your phone.  Get an iPad . . . you’ll squint less and those ugly lines around your eyes will disappear!

  • Get involved with a charity . . . as long as “Charity” is the name of a topless dancer.

  • Get enough sleep . . . but not that Ambien sleep that makes you racist.

  • Do what makes you happy . . . at least until the cops catch you.

  • Avoid any news story that contains the word “Kanye.”

  • Enjoy the subtle pleasure of convincing boomers that “Ok Boomer” is a compliment.

  • Cut all the toxic people from your life, like an ex who can’t let go, an overly-critical parent, or the guys in Nickelback.

  • Focus on positives in your life.  Like . . . well . . . uh . . .