New Things We’re Learning About Mars

NASA scientists just found evidence of an ancient oasis on Mars that could have supported life.  So we can add that to this list of The Top New Things We’re Learning About Mars.

  • Scientists believe there may have once been life there . . . but then they started vaping.

  • It’s the most popular planet men tell wives they’re looking at when they’re actually pointing a telescope at the hot neighbor’s shower.

  • Mars is associated with aggression and war, which is why it’s Alec Baldwin’s favorite planet.

  • Donald Trump plans to send Rudy Giuliani there to see if the Martians will give him dirt on Joe Biden.

  • By 2030, NASA plans to be up there establishing an independent colony of people who walk around all day looking at their phones.

  • It’s the second smallest planet in the Solar System.  So it’s often a target of size-shaming from Saturn.

  • Each season on Mars lasts about twice as long as on Earth.  So if you think summers last forever until the kids go back to school on Earth, imagine how Martian parents feel.

  • Mars inspires just 1% of the giggles from eight-year-old boys as Uranus does.

  • Mars takes twice as long as Earth to complete a full revolution around the Sun . . . and it has its blinker on the whole time.