Reasons to Become a Vegetarian

Since today is World Vegetarian Day, please enjoy this list of The Top Reasons to Become a Vegetarian.

  • You’ll never again take a bite of something and wonder, “Was that a vein?”

  • Your friends and family don’t find you annoying and pretentious enough.

  • Your gaunt appearance will save you money on a zombie costume for Halloween.

  • One of your goals is to have absolutely nothing in common with Donald Trump.

  • You know which steakhouses serve the best water.

  • You’ll outlive your loved ones and finally get the TV to yourself.

  • You haven’t been spending enough time in the bathroom.

  • You’ll never be mistaken for someone from Wisconsin.

  • You’ll save money on food, because no one will ever ask you to go out to dinner with them.

  • Nothing says “delicious” like a glazed chickpea loaf.

  • No matter what anyone tells you, your Facebook friends are going to be absolutely riveted when you post 500 photos of your homemade black bean smoothies.

  • You want to lose weight . . . and friends.

  • You’ll never go hungry as long as you have houseplants.

  • More bacon for me!