Things to Consider Before Hiring a Housekeeper

Since this is International Housekeepers Week, it’s a good time to check out this list of The Top Things to Consider Before Hiring a Housekeeper.

  • Is Florence from “The Jeffersons” available?

  • Will they know to only feather dust my collection of skulls?

  • Do I have to give them hazard pay when they clean the toilet after I’ve had lunch at Chipotle?

  • Does she have some kind of weird hang-up where she doesn’t sleep with her employers?

  • Will they see my embarrassing things . . . like my collection of Katherine Heigl DVDs?

  • If I hire a female housekeeper, am I required to pay her 30% less than a male housekeeper?

  • Will this ruin my chances of appearing on “Hoarders”?

  • Will she wear one of those sexy French maid outfits?  More importantly, will she let me borrow it?

  • Can she balance giving wise advice to our three brunette sons and three blonde daughters with a hot relationship with her butcher boyfriend?