Rejected Fortune Cookie Messages

It’s usually fun to read the messages in fortune cookies.  But not all the wise sayings pitched make the cut.  For some that didn’t, check out The Top Rejected Fortune Cookie Messages.



  • Love is the answer.  Unless the question is, “Why do you stay married?”  Then the answer is, “Because you’re emotionally dead.”

  • I know what’s on your hard drive.

  • You will soon be Googling “food poisoning cures.”

  • You will soon lose weight . . . when your arm gets eaten by a shark.

  • If at first you don’t succeed . . . drink.

  • No fortune today, due to your president’s tariffs against China.

  • Today isn’t a good day to try something new.  Nor is tomorrow.  Or ever, really, because you suck at most things.

  • The sun shines only for you, which is why you have that rash.

  • My eight-year-old son made your iPhone.

  • Your kids are just pretending to love you so you’ll keep them in the will.

  • Just because the devil made you do it, that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself.

  • A child without laughter is like a stand-up comedian without a brick wall behind them.

  • You will soon face a life-altering calamity.  Smile!