Things You Don’t Want to Hear from Your New College Roommate

The kids are coming back to Penn State next weekend…

  • I find clothing to be so confining

  • You’ve already subjected me to 23 micro-aggressions

  • You NEED to read this book. It’s called Dianetics

  • I’m a sleepwalker, in case you wake up and I’m in bed with you

  • Why do you need to know my name?

  • I’m an influencer, so I’ll need this room to record my podcast

  • I’ll take the top bunk. And by the way, I’m a bedwetter.

  • Are we allowed to smoke meth in here?

  • I hope you don’t mind frequent visitors, because I’m a sex addict

  • I’d appreciate it if you avoided all eye contact

  • I just can’ get enough Ed Sheeran!