Things Your Cat Would Say If It Could Talk

Since today is International Cat Day, we thought it’d be a good time to give you this list of The Top Things Your Cat Would Say If It Could Talk.

  • If I ever catch that laser dot, it’s DEAD!!

  • If you keep posting pictures of me trying to fit into tiny boxes, I’m gonna start posting pictures of you trying to fit into your Spanx.

  • Have fun at work.  I’ll just be here, plotting your death.

  • I want a cut of what you made off that YouTube video of me playing the piano.

  • Oh cool, put the goldfish on a table I can reach, that’s a great idea.

  • Ironic that I have nine lives and you have absolutely no life.

  • Oops, did I just rub my bare butt across your face?  Totally an accident, man.

  • Would you like a bird skull or mouse tail for your birthday? 

  • I’m not like other cats.  I sleep a lot, I don’t like strangers, and I love yarn.  Okay, I’m just like other cats.

  • Dogs get Snoopy . . . we get a lazy jerk who loves lasagna.

  • Why didn’t you order tuna on your pizza?

  • I’m allowed to eat all I want and sleep all day because I’m a cat . . . what’s your excuse, fatso?

  • Why would I use the litter box, when I just found this perfectly good slipper?

  • Time to dart into that other room for no real reason.