Things You Don’t Want to Hear from Your Summer Fling

  • You’re not the one that I want

  • You are metaphorical sand in my bathing suit

  • I told my husband all about you!

  • You job was to horrify my parents, and that’s it

  • Really sorry about that whole “tire slashing” thing

  • You don’t mind if I spend the next couple of hours on Tinder, do you?

  • That? That’s an ankle bracelet-why do you ask?

  • Listen, whatever you do, don’t Google my name

  • Here’s the number of the clinic you need to visit…

  • Is it September yet?