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You’re not the one that I want
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You are metaphorical sand in my bathing suit
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I told my husband all about you!
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You job was to horrify my parents, and that’s it
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Really sorry about that whole “tire slashing” thing
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You don’t mind if I spend the next couple of hours on Tinder, do you?
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That? That’s an ankle bracelet-why do you ask?
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Listen, whatever you do, don’t Google my name
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Here’s the number of the clinic you need to visit…
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Is it September yet?