Things You Don’t Want to Hear from Your Summer Fling

You’re not the one that I want

You are metaphorical sand in my bathing suit

I told my husband all about you!

You job was to horrify my parents, and that’s it

Really sorry about that whole “tire slashing” thing

You don’t mind if I spend the next couple of hours on Tinder, do you?

That? That’s an ankle bracelet-why do you ask?

Listen, whatever you do, don’t Google my name

Here’s the number of the clinic you need to visit…

Is it September yet?