The Top Reasons to Visit Baltimore

Donald Trump said no human being would want to live in Baltimore.  Proud Baltimore residents are anxious to show the world that Trump is dead wrong.  Here are The Top Reasons to Visit Baltimore.

  • If you tell your kid one of its multitude of rats is Mickey, you just saved $150 on a ticket to Disneyland.

  • If you don’t visit Baltimore, Ray Lewis and his posse will come to your city and stab you.

  • You can visit a place the President has called an S-hole without needing a passport.

  • It’s a good warm-up vacation before you go all-in on that trip to Syria.

  • If you can throw a ball more than two feet, you can be a starting pitcher for the Orioles.

  • It’s just like New York City except less crowded and without all that pesky significance.

  • It’s 100% Kardashian-free!

  • You can take a knee at the actual place where “The Star Spangled Banner” was written.

  • You’re an emergency room surgeon who gets paid by the suture.

  • You can go to their Inner Harbor and watch the rats paddle boarding.

  • You can get grossed out by visiting all the places that inspired John Waters.

  • You probably don’t have to worry about bumping into Donald Trump