Things You Don’t Want to Hear from a Carnival Ride Operator

  • Just took some pills, wish I could remember what they were

  • I just throw the switch-let God sort ’em out

  • Metal stress fractures? What’s that even supposed to mean?

  • I’ve inspected every inch of this… hey, a squirrel!

  • I’m going to need you to sign some release forms

  • You might want to make peace with your maker

  • If the belt is broken, just grab the sides of the car real tight

  • The ride only takes 5 minutes…assuming nothing goes wrong

  • I left you a surprise under your seat cushion

  • Please try to vomit clear of the car you’re in

  • Wish me luck-first day on the job!