Things You Don’t Want to Hear at the Beach

Going to the beach this weekend?  If you are, hopefully you won’t experience anything like you’ll find on this list of The Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear at the Beach.

  • Sorry for trying to roll you back into the ocean, sir.  Honest mistake.

  • The shark danger today is low . . . as long as you stay out of the water.

  • Does this thong hide my hemorrhoids?

  • Calm down, it’s not raw sewage, it’s radioactive waste.

  • Welcome to “Speedos on the Sand” Day!

  • Sorry, I don’t have any beer . . . this cooler is actually holding a kidney.

  • They call this area the “Fecal Bacteria Coast.”

  • Did you buy that bathing suit or did your great-grandmother leave it to you in her will?

  • Look, mommy: my sand castle has a sex dungeon just like our house!

  • Please be advised, the dolphins are extra horny today.

  • Your skin is a shade of red I’ve seen only on raspberries.

  • I know you weren’t stung by a jellyfish, but can I still pee on your leg?

  • My beach ball just popped.  Can I use one of your implants?