Top Tips for Having a Great Fourth of July

It’s the Fourth of July and we want to help make it awesome.  So take a second to check out The Top Tips for Having a Great Fourth of July.

  • Remember what the day is all about:  Creating a great “And that’s how I lost these two fingers” story to share with your grandkids.

  • For old time’s sake, execute a British person with a musket.

  • Take the time to remind your kids about the Founding Fathers and all they endured to . . . kidding, wolf down hot dogs and beer until you puke.

  • Remember to celebrate your American patriotism by purchasing fireworks made in Mexico.

  • Remember to respectfully honor the flag . . . while wearing a flag speedo and holding a flag beer koozie.

  • Wear earplugs.  Not so you don’t hear fireworks . . . so you don’t hear your in-laws.

  • Avoid potato salad that squirms.

  • Before cooking hot dogs, Google your brand for salmonella recalls.

  • Find out what your wife and kids are doing for it, and do the opposite.

  • If you host a party, avoid declaring independence from pants.

  • Have an ice chest ready.  Not for drinks, but in case you blow off your fingers with fireworks and need to transport them to the hospital.

  • When you “ooh” and “aah” at the fireworks, keep it non-sexual.

  • Don’t poop in the pool.