Reasons You Aren’t Watching the Democratic Debates

Tonight is the first of two nights of debates among Democratic presidential candidates.  But you really couldn’t care less.  Here are The Top Reasons You Aren’t Watching the Democratic Debates.

  • You prefer watching baseball to fall asleep.

  • You’ll just binge watch them when they pop up on Netflix.

  • You don’t want to see what happens when Biden puts his hands on Amy Klobuchar’s shoulders.

  • The winner doesn’t get a rose.

  • Not one candidate has yet promised you a free 72-inch big screen.

  • You’re waiting for the field to slim down to a more manageable 8,000 candidates.

  • None of the candidates are giving the others hilarious nicknames.

  • Thanks to your lingering childhood fear of ventriloquist dummies, you get freaked out every time Mayor Pete talks.

  • You’ll just read the president’s tweets to get the sense of who was sleepy and who was crazy.

  • You don’t care about promises of forgiving student debt . . . you won’t forgiveness for gambling debt.

  • Bernie Sanders’ arm motions give you a seizure.

  • It was hard enough keeping track of all the characters on “Game of Thrones”.

  • No reality TV stars.