Summertime Fun-“Facts”

In honor of today being the first day of summer, it’s a good time to check out this list of The Top Fun Facts About Summer.

  • It’s when the biggest movies of the year come out.  And also “Dark Phoenix”.

  • It’s hotter than spring, but nowhere near as hot as the girl throwing the javelin in that clickbait ad.

  • It lasts for three months.  Like “Avengers: Endgame”!

  • The “Dog days of summer” refers to the months when white people start to look like Dog the Bounty Hunter.

  • It’s when men suddenly decide that cooking is for dudes.

  • Many families choose this time to take vacations, in an effort to vastly increase their stress levels and ultimately shorten their lives.

  • If you’re a basic white chick, you’re legally required to refer to summer as “rosé season.”

  • The word “summer” comes from an old English word that means, “Dammit, how am I gonna occupy these kids for three months???”

  • July was named after Julius Caesar who conquered much of the world with his hot n’ ready pizzas.

  • Days are much longer in June, especially if you take away your kid’s iPad.

  • That giant multi-person float with the drink holders and built-in cooler you spent 250 bucks on will have a slow leak in it by July 2nd.

  • Summer Solstice will be the name for Kim Kardashian’s next daughter.

  • 65% of the movies that come out during the summer either star The Rock or a straight white man in a cape.