Cruise Tips

Do your summer plans include going on a cruise?  If so, you might want to take a minute to check out this list of The Top Cruise Tips.

  • Skip the spa if Robert Kraft is in line before you.

  • Pack pills to treat nausea associated with motion sickness, stomach flu, or seeing your wife in a tankini.

  • Stop harassing the doctor . . . he probably won’t have sex with you like the one on “Love Boat”.

  • Don’t hold back on seconds.  After the initial meal, food poisoning can’t get any worse.

  • The white guy with dreads and homemade tattoos might not be the best person to ask to break a $100.

  • Bring some extra cash for the ship’s casino . . . and the hookers in Ensenada.

  • If you hear anything about a septic system backup, just jump overboard . . . you’re better off dead.

  • The casinos are harder to win at than they are on land, but at least Joe Pesci isn’t there stabbing you in the neck with a pen.

  • Get there early to scope out which women you’re going to be rejected by.

  • Guys should avoid using the pickup line, “Want to see my dinghy?”

  • Remember, your kids aren’t allowed at the poker and blackjack table.  So, play lots of poker and blackjack.

  • Be sure to take lots of photos of you and your girlfriend enjoying your vacation.  But remember not to share those photos with your wife.

  • In movies, someone who wants to paint you topless is a hopeless romantic.  In reality, they’re a perv.

  • When you meet the captain, don’t ask him, “Where’s Tennille?”