The Top Satan Tweets

When he’s not busy bombarding us with temptation, Satan likes to jump on Twitter.  Here are The Top Satan Tweets.


  • Somebody tell Rosemary to stop hittin’ me up for child support.  That baby doesn’t even have a bifurcated tail!

  • If you want to get an idea of what spending an eternity down here is like . . . just book a flight on Spirit Airlines.

  • People . . . if I really had any sway, wouldn’t the New Jersey Devils be in the Stanley Cup Finals right now?

  • Trump’s tariffs better not increase the price of brimstone.

  • Having a huge clearance sale on hand baskets!  50% off!

  • Hot flashes, ripping perfectly fine ball caps on my horns, losing in fiddle concerts to Johnny.  #ThingsIHate

  • Really wish the post office would stop mixing up my mail with Santa’s.

  • Screw you, Gene Simmons.  I’M the one who gets royalties whenever anyone makes the devil horn sign.

  • @mikepence:  thanks for the request list, but Hell can only fit so many people.

  • Sure, fine, go to Heaven.  Just see if they let you listen to Guns N’ Roses up there.

  • Of course I’m the one responsible for robocalls.  Who else could be that evil?

  • Spent the day clearing out space for anyone who thinks they’re actually deep or important when they use the phrase, “It is what it is.”

  • If God is all powerful, why doesn’t she have better ratings for the OWN network?

  • No, I didn’t make you do it.  You’re just a dumbass.