Signs You’re at a Bad Graduation Ceremony

It’s graduation season, so we thought it’d be a good time for this list of The Top Signs You’re at a Bad Graduation Ceremony.

  • You recognize the keynote speaker as your Uber driver that morning.

  • Only a few of the kids are actually graduating.  The rest just get participation trophies.

  • The commencement speaker ends her speech with, “And that’s when I realized the CIA was tracking me through my hair curlers.”

  • Instead of caps, many graduates are wearing MAGA hats with tassels.

  • The commencement speaker volunteers to pay off the student debt, sees how much it will be, then goes, “Psych!”

  • The first twenty minutes of the keynote speaker’s speech is about the reasons not to vaccinate.

  • The school was only able to rent out half of the Chuck E. Cheese.

  • Each diploma comes with an application to Starbucks.