Reasons You Aren’t in the Stock Market

The stock market has taken a deep nosedive recently because of the trade war with China.  But that means absolutely nothing to you because you don’t own stock.  Here are The Top Reasons You Aren’t in the Stock Market.

  • Your bank balance has six zeroes . . . and nothing else.

  • If you want to spend all day watching something keep going up, you’ve got the needle on your bathroom scale.

  • You see it as one of those things only rich people can do . . . like buying yachts or cheating to get their kids into college.

  • Duh.  To invest money, you need to HAVE money.

  • It’s just a massive pyramid scheme that will inevitably collapse beneath its own weight.  Plus, you’ve got Social Security.

  • Who needs a stockbroker when your bookie gives you free cigars?

  • You can’t stand to watch CNN when that Dow Jones is spewing his liberal B.S.

  • No stock in history could possibly be a better investment than the $50,000 you just spent on an autographed photo of Scott Baio.

  • You’re scared of it ever since you saw what happened to Duke & Duke in “Trading Places”.

  • You don’t like to take silly chances.  You’d rather just play the lottery.

  • You blew your life savings on Beanie Babies in the ’90s.

  • You think NYSE is text shorthand for something kinky.

  • The last time you tried, you went all in when Microsoft rolled out the Zune.

  • Your retirement plan is never having enough money to retire.