What to Do When You’re in the Mood for Sex & Your Partner Isn’t?

If you’ve been in a relationship, you’ve probably had a situation where one person wanted sex and the other didn’t. This is not necessarily a cause for concern; there are ways to work around it.

“Your partner is not required to meet your sexual needs,” sexologist Dr. Jess O’Reilly, tells Bustle. “You do not want to pressure them. You need to find out whether they’re not in the mood… and if they welcome your efforts to help spark their interest.” Here are a few things to try if your partner isn’t in the mood for sex but you are.

 1. Don’t Take It Personally: Don’t sulk or take the rejection personally. “Rejection is a part of life, and learning to manage sexual rejection involves not taking your partner’s lack of interest personally and not shaming them,” says Dr. Jess.

 2. Learn from the Rejection: It’s actually a learning opportunity for you, especially if there’s a pattern to it, says Dr. Jess. You can also ask your partner when they tend to be most in the mood for sex so that you can work out a way for you both to be satisfied.

 3. Give Them the Chance to Get Aroused: If your partner isn’t in the mood for sex at one given moment, that doesn’t mean they can’t be in a little while. You just need to make sure they’re open to becoming aroused before trying to arouse them, and if they’re still not in the mood after an initial attempt, you need to respect that.

 4. Connect in Other Ways: Just because you cannot have sex doesn’t mean you cannot have intimacy. A few other possibilities including cuddling, making out, and exchanging massages.