Things You Don’t Want to Hear From Your Hair Stylist

  • Remember “The Rachel?”  Not the hairstyle, the cheerleader I murdered.

  • Whoopsy!  Oh well, eyebrows are totally out of style anyway.

  • How cute.  Your little lice family even built a little lice house!

  • The good news is that my doctor ruled out Parkinson’s as the reason for my constant hand tremors.

  • And . . . voila!  I call it “Pete Rose with Cornrows”!

  • Ha, if I had a dime for every time I confused antifreeze for shampoo. 

  • Oh boy, we got a bleeder!

  • You want highlights?  Okay, the Yankees beat the Tigers 5 to 3, the Red Sox beat the Mariners 2 to 1 . . .

  • Having a full ear is overrated.

  • Yes, I guaranteed results.  But I didn’t guarantee GOOD results!

  • You want your hair teased?  Okay.  Hey, are you hair, or did someone dump a bowl of Ramen noodles on this lady’s head?

  • From this angle you’re really starting to look like Prince William.

  • Stay put in the chair.  I gotta make a quick Uber pick up.

  • I love the smell of burning hair in the morning.