Tips for Having a Great Easter

  • If you have a dog, be REALLY sure before you pick up a “brown egg.”

  • Rename it “Christmas” and give each other COOL gifts.

  • Send your kids on a hunt for eggs you never hid and then enjoy hours of peace and quiet. 

  • Enjoy a lovely Sunday brunch while passing around the full Mueller Report. 

  • Find an Easter parade where people will flash you for beads.

  • Drill a small hole in the Cadbury eggs, and replace the cream with motor oil.

  • See who can pretend to be the most devastated by the Notre Dame fire.

  • Don’t vomit in your bunny suit.

  • Hide fun stuff in plastic eggs like candy and grandpa’s heart pills. 

  • Find a quiet room, sit down, and don’t move until everyone’s gone.