Reasons You’re Still Unemployed

Unemployment in the U.S. remains at record-level lows.  Yet, you’re still without a job.  Maybe it’s because of something found on this list of The Top Reasons You’re Still Unemployed.

  • Your inspirational kitty poster features an empty branch with the phrase, “Screw it, let go.”

  • You’ve been fired from your last four jobs because you tend to go full “Joe Biden” on female coworkers.

  • You start every interview with, “What’s your policy on surfing amputee porn?” 

  • You’re only looking for non-soul crushing jobs.

  • At your last job you punched a time clock . . . and your boss.

  • No one seems impressed that you can type 50 emojis per minute.

  • Every time you apply at Walmart, you accidentally ask if being poor is contagious.

  • Your communications skills be lackin’.

  • You don’t have time to both have a job and watch everything in your Netflix queue.

  • You applied to be put in charge of Middle East peace, but your father-in-law isn’t the president.

  • Your only suit has bullet holes.