Best Things About Working at Walmart

Walmart is adding hundreds of robots to do tasks like scrubbing floors, which will help store workers attend to other jobs.  So we can add that to this list of The Top Best Things About Working at Walmart.

  • If you’re assigned the produce section, you can spend all day looking at your phone.

  • You stay abreast of all the latest innovations in sleepwear.  Not from the inventory, from the CUSTOMERS.

  • Customers think that you’re royalty since you have more than three teeth.

  • The adrenaline rush of the 3:00 A.M. scooter races!

  • You have a sense of pride knowing the inferior merchandise made by Chinese toddlers in Walmart is better than the inferior merchandise made by Chinese toddlers in Target.

  • There’s just something invigorating about spending Black Friday watching obese women in sweatpants murder each other for a discount PlayStation.

  • No matter what part of the store you’re in, if you yell, “Build!” someone will respond, “The wall!”

  • The blue vest really complements you psoriasis.

  • No one there will ever bother you with their bragging about their P90X workouts.

  • The Employee of the Month gets to take home concession stand hot dogs that fell on the floor.

  • Watching parents deal with their kids in your store is the best birth control imaginable.

  • You can take secret naps in a giant bin of flip-flops.