Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming a Stripper

Does taking your clothes off on stage in front of drunk people sound like a career option for you?  If so, you might first want to check out this list of The Top Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming a Stripper.

  • Can I remember to feed the goldfish in my high heels?

  • Do I enjoy listening to Warrant?  What about Warrant?  And . . . oh, yeah . . . Warrant?

  • Can I make more money working at Robert Kraft’s massage parlor?

  • Can I get my Dad to say just ONE nice thing about me?

  • How excited am I to find out what my pharmacist recommends for rashes on the inner thigh caused by the billions of bacteria that live on stripper poles?

  • Will customers tell me it’s ruining the fantasy when I show them photos of my 16-year-old fatherless son?

  • With all his issues, does Charlie Sheen still tip like he used to?

  • Have I thought of a cool stripper name, like “Sapphire” or “Onyx” or “Kim Kardashian”?

  • Do any clubs have on-site daycare?

  • Does “Law & Order” paint an accurate picture of the profession?

  • Should I keep an old, rolled-up copy of “Forbes” around just in case Mr. Trump shows up?

  • Do I look more like a Mercedes or a Lexus?

  • Am I ready to lie about what I do for a living to avoid embarrassing my parents?  Sorry.  That’s a Top Question to Ask Myself Before Getting into Radio.