Things You Shouldn’t Do at a Zoo

A woman was attacked by a jaguar at an Arizona zoo when she leaned over an enclosure barrier while trying to take a selfie.  So let’s put that on the list of The Top Things You Shouldn’t Do at a Zoo.

  • Hop over the wall into the wolf enclosure and try to dance with them.

  • Try to match the hippos fart-for-fart.

  • Waste time trying to engage in witty repartee with the penguins just because they talked that way in “Madagascar”.

  • Taunt the snakes with an 8 by 10 headshot of Samuel L. Jackson.

  • Show the monkeys the proper technique of throwing your own feces.

  • Wonder out loud what endangered owl meat tastes like.

  • Try to run across the alligators’ backs like that guy from “Pitfall”.

  • Gripe to employees that the baboon’s butt isn’t as red and swollen as you hoped it would be.

  • Ask if you can borrow the octopus for some homemade tentacle porn.

  • Try to get an orangutan to sign your MAGA hat because you thought he was Donald Trump.

  • Dare a fat kid to balance on top of the lion embankment.