When you’re called for jury duty, your first thought is, “How do I get out of this?” Well, we have some ideas. Here are The Top Tips for Getting Out of Jury Duty.
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Give your name as “Liam Neeson.”
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Fake a hate crime against yourself on your way to court.
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Let the judge know how you feel about her rack.
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Say morally questionable things like, “I believe R. Kelly,” or “Miracle Whip is better than regular Mayo.”
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Repeatedly shriek unhinged, racially-charged rhetoric. In other words, act presidential.
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Explain how jury duty disrupts your daily routine of abducting children.
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Keep insisting you have the right to remain fabulous.
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Wear Crocs and a fanny pack. The lawyers from both sides picking the jury will assume you’re insane.
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Tell the judge you’ll promise to be impartial if he agrees to let you have conjugal visits with the defendant.
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Point at the judge and scream, “No, YOU’RE out of order!”
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Say you’ve gotten a few speeding tickets and that you’ve committed some light treason here and there.
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Get excused for lameness by pointing at your pants and yelling, “Your honor, can I now POLL the jury?!?”
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Bring your emotional support Sea Monkeys.