Signs You Hired the Wrong Dog Trainer

Dogs competing in the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show this week had the benefit of working with the top trainers in the country.  But you weren’t so lucky.  Here are The Top Signs You Hired the Wrong Dog Trainer.

  1. When you complain about the nonstop humping, he says, “Sorry.  I can’t help myself.”

  2. She accuses your black lab of being a yellow lab in shoe polish.

  3. Instead of treats for good behavior, she rewards your dog with iPad time.

  4. He’s less of a “dog whisperer” . . . and more of a “dog fondler.”

  5. Your dog can now write your name with its poop.

  6. After a few sessions, your dog still won’t roll over for him . . . but your wife will.

  7. Your dog no longer lifts his leg to pee.  Instead, he stands upright with one paw on the wall.

  8. He comes out of your bathroom and says, “Wow, you have great tasting toilet water!”

  9. The only trick he’s taught your dog so far is how to lick himself better.

  10. He teaches your dog to speak . . . like Kim Kardashian.

  11. The only trick your dog has learned to do is flip you off.

  12. He shows up to the first lesson in a Michael Vick jersey.

  13. Instead of a dog whistle, he uses bagpipes.