Good Things about the Polar Vortex


  • You can take all the stuff Marie Kondo tells you to throw out and burn it for warmth

  • Endangered polar bear habitat will expand as far south as Louisiana

  • Just opening your front door for 5 minutes allows your home to double as a meat locker

  • You’ll no longer have to wonder what life on the planet Pluto is like

  • Deceased loved ones can be cryogenically frozen just by putting them on the back porch

  • Face it, some people look better in six layers of clothing

  • That burning sensation when you pee is suddenly welcome

  • Five words: penguins on the front lawn