Things You Didn’t Know About Uber

Uber is now teaming up with Starbucks to deliver coffee.  So we can add that bit of news to this list of The Top Things You Didn’t Know About Uber.

  • It’s like a taxi.  But with less air freshener.  And more sexual assault.

  • They don’t legally have to tell you what bodily fluids may have been spilled on the seat you’re sitting on.

  • It exists solely because we’re a nation of drunks.

  • Most drivers are men.  Which is why they tend to drive in the wrong direction for ten minutes and ignore you when you point it out.

  • If you get to know your driver well enough, he or she could also become your weed dealer.

  • A driver’s car has to be under 10 years old . . . but the candy in their console has to be over six.

  • There are now over a million Uber drivers in the country . . . an amazing 13 of whom are mentally competent enough to operate a motor vehicle.

  • Most Uber drivers have their band’s demo tape at the ready.

  • Over half the new drivers who’ve signed on in the past two years are fired members of the Trump administration.

  • Even if it’s your first time in a city, you probably know it as well as your driver does.