Other Changes Coming to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue

The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is moving to May. “When Sports Illustrated launched SI Swimsuit in 1964, they chose February because back then there was a gap in sports,” said SISwimsuit Editor MJ Day. “But now there is no shortage of sports events in winter, so moving the issue to May aligns us perfectly with the joy that comes with the start of summer.  So What else will be different?

  • Fewer tropical islands, more Staten Island

  • It’s Photoshop now, not “airbrush”

  • Swimsuits to be replaced with strategically placed dental floss

  • Handles on magazine to make it easy to retrieve from under your bed

  • Newer and different phallic symbols for the models to pose with

  • We’re just getting rid of the rest of magazine with all the stuff about hockey and things

  • Even more ads for herbal Viagra

  • Photographers will make sure models don’t look like they’re judging you

  • More female empowerment and a powerful salute to blah blah blah blah…

  • Less sand in places where it looks really uncomfortable