Reasons You Haven’t Joined an Online Dating Service

Memberships to online dating services usually surge in January.  But you abstain.  Here are The Top Reasons You Haven’t Joined an Online Dating Service.

  • You made a pledge 15 years ago not to date until the Cowboys advanced past one round in the playoffs.

  • You already know there are no interested single women in your area because they all have restraining orders against you.

  • Many online relationships end in marriage.  And that’s depressing.

  • You prefer to find a partner the old fashioned way . . . in prison.

  • You mean to.  But every time you go online, you’re swept away by the melodic magic of “Baby Shark”.

  • Every time you make contact with a woman, she Googles you, and up comes that rap sheet.

  • It feels weird someday telling your kids, “I met your dad while surfing the computer drunk.”

  • Every selfie you take looks like Steve Bannon with bedroom eyes.

  • Last time you tried, the girl’s picture looked like a young Jessica Lange, but when you met her, she looked more like ARTIE Lange.

  • Your conjoined twin doesn’t want to.

  • Those sites always cause your Tandy 1000 computer to crash.

  • You’re too busy getting rejected in your marriage.

  • Instead of online dating, it’s easier to simply adopt more cats.