Things You Don’t Want to Hear on Your Flight

Flying these days is rarely fun.  And it can really suck if you board and experience anything like you’ll find on this list of The Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear on Your Flight.

  • It looks like that’s your seat right there . . . in the middle between the Sumo wrestler and the lady with the crying toddler.

  • Sorry, new policy:  One can of Coke per flight.  Everyone gets a sip.

  • Since we’re sitting together, you should probably look out for signs of pink eye for the next few days.

  • This is the captain of your Southwest flight . . . and I’m gonna tell some jokes.

  • Do you mind if I put the armrest up while I clip my toenails?

  • In case of emergency, your seat cushion is basically only good to cry into.

  • Something to drink?  Coffee, juice, beer, wine, sizzurp?

  • I know we just met, but let me tell you my opinion about politics.

  • I do CrossFit.  Wanna hear about it?

  • Say “hi” to Wally, my therapy skunk.

  • Please enjoy today’s in-flight movie, “Holmes & Watson”.

  • Man, the TSA misses a LOT! 

  • In the case of an emergency landing . . . eh, who am I kidding?  If this flying coffin goes down, we’re all goners.

  • Uh-oh.  Mommy forgot to pack little Timmy’s sedatives.

  • Snaaaaakes!!!