Things a Department Store Santa Doesn’t Want to Hear From a Kid

 

  • I really have to go to the… oops, never mind

  • You smell like daddy does when he comes home late at night

  • I’m going to need to have you sign some release forms

  • Not everything on my list is strictly legal-you good with that?

  • I just want you to screw over my little brother

  • Please be for real. I’ve been hurt too many times

  • Right now my only wish is for a fresh diaper

  • Why aren’t you writing any of this stuff down, tubby?

  • I don’t get the big ticket items, somebody gets hurt

  • Uh oh, I feel a bellyful of gingerbread coming back up!

  • Could you beat Jesus in a fair fight?