Signs You’d Make a Bad Oscars Host


  • You’re not sure if “Oscars” is the movie one or the TV one

  • Your idea of “hosting” is making a bowl of Chex mix and inviting vagrants over

  • Your probation officer won’t hear of it

  • You keep asking if you can do it by SKYPE

  • You’ve hosted your own Oscar ceremony for the past few years by dressing up your cats

  • The Department of Justice lists you as a “hate group”

  • You just want the chance to tell Emma Stone how much you love her

  • The Academy’s not thrilled about your facial tats

  • People still give you a hard time about that “Oprah, Uma” joke