Other Unpleasant Truths about James Bond

Martini-loving spy James Bond has a severe drinking problem and should seek help, researchers argue in a new paper titled “License to Swill.”

 There is consistent evidence that James Bond has a chronic alcohol consumption problem at the “severe” end of the spectrum,” wrote researchers from the University of Otago in New Zealand in the paper published Monday in the Medical Journal of Australia. During his six decades on screen, a drink touched the secret agent’s lips 109 times at an average of 4.5 times per movie…

And that’s not the only thing wrong with 007.

  • Face it, he’s always way overdressed

  • Incapable of settling an argument without resorting to fisticuffs

  • Doesn’t really get the whole #MeToo thing

  • Licensed or not, he’s killed a LOT of people

  • Has been known to use a hemorrhoid donut

  • He’s not always the same guy, have you noticed?

  • Since he’s gotten older, his license to kill is good for daylight hours only

  • Wears clip-on tuxedo ties

  • Thinks the moon landing was faked

  • Doesn’t wash hands after using rest room

  • Total Internet troll