Top Tips for Getting a Better Night’s Sleep

Studies say the majority of Americans don’t get enough sleep.  We think we can help remedy that with this list of The Top Tips for Getting Better Sleep.

  • Avoid exercise before bed.  But based on your looks, I’m guessing that’s not an issue.

  • Think pleasant thoughts when you get into bed.  Like waking up with a partner you don’t despise.

  • Think about how eager all your friends are to hear about your dumb dream.

  • Avoid alcohol at night.  Key words:  “night.”  Not “early morning,” “mid-morning,” “late morning,” “early afternoon,” “midafternoon,” “late afternoon,” “early evening,” “mid-evening” or “late evening.”

  • Before bed each night, ask all your Facebook friends for thoughts and prayers.  That always seems to work.

  • Borrow some of those pills your husband takes to cope with being married to you.

  • If you find yourself suffering from insomnia, head directly to a theater showing “Fantastic Beasts:  The Crimes of Grindelwald”.

  • No meth after 5:00 P.M.