Signs You’re Seeing a Bad Mall Santa

Some mall Santas really nail the look and the attitude of old Kris Kringle . . . while others just suck.  Here are The Top Signs You’re Seeing a Bad Mall Santa.

  • When your kid asks him for a lot of stuff, he huffs, “Who do you think I am . . . Oprah?!?”

  • He hands out vape pens to all the kids.

  • He gets upset when kids DON’T pee on him.

  • He offers your kid anything he wants in exchange for your phone number.

  • When kids ask where his reindeer are, he rubs his belly.

  • When he hands your kid back, she smells like pot and Funyuns.

  • He warns kids that he won’t bring them presents on Christmas Eve unless their parents put out gluten-free cookies and cashew milk.

  • His elf is Jeff Sessions.

  • He keeps quoting Kanye.

  • He winks at hot moms and asks if they’d like to see his impressive “Yule log.”

  • He makes kids whisper their toy requests, because he’s nursing a brutal hangover.

  • The line to see him is short.  The line to sue him is out the door.