Ways to Make the Thanksgiving Day Parade More Exciting

 

  • Order marching bands to fight to the death

  • Make sure Snoopy balloon is anatomically correct

  • See how fast everyone can march

  • Instead of helium, inflate balloons with nitrous oxide

  • Grand marshals: Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan

  • Rum ‘n egg nog dispensing stations? Check!

  • Don’t provide any bathrooms-wait, they already do that

  • One simple phrase: the Running of the Thanksgiving Bulls

  • Throw in a few missiles like those North Korean spectacles

  • Invite drunks still hung over from St. Pat’s Parade

  • Add a Mardi Gras twist with booze, beads, and vomiting

  • Gravy chug!