Things You’re Thankful for This Thanksgiving

 

Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on the past year and count our blessings.  Here are The Top Things You’re Thankful for This Thanksgiving.

  • You never stole Alec Baldwin’s parking space.

  • Nobody knows what else you do with the turkey baster.

  • No U2 albums were downloaded to your iPhone this year.

  • Jean shorts with an extra pocket for your vape pen.

  • Not being the publicist for Megyn Kelly or Roseanne Barr.

  • For still having time left before Jeff Bezos implants the tracking chip in our wrists.

  • Not being dismembered with a chainsaw by a 15-member Saudi Arabian hit team.

  • Your hot neighbor showers with an open window.

  • That Stormy Daniels didn’t have PICTURES

  • You only had to buy three new iPhones this year.

  • Anti-vaxxers bringing back those hip, retro diseases.

  • You don’t have to eat cranberry sauce for another year.

  • Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande will not breed.

  • The fact that every TV show you ever liked, will be back on the air soon in a reboot.

  • Family, friends, and anything wrapped in bacon.